Wed, 28 August 2013
During yoga teacher training we all had a really good laugh when the only guy in our class of ten was like 'Wot's a queef?' with a genuinely bewildered expression. To be fair, he's British, and maybe it didnt quite translate.
A few days later he and I were working on our teaching and he was talking me through shoulder stand. For one moment, picture how amazing this is. I'm practicing yoga in Bali with a totally hot young Brit and I'm holding shoulderstand without a wobble. I'm so in the zen, it's unbelievable. In a word, life is perfect.
Then, on the way down when I'm dropping my toes down toward plow, I feel that sucking of air and allow myself the merest hint of panic. Surely the universe isn't that cruel. I continue to come fully out of shoulder stand...accompanied by the loudest queef you've ever heard.
I'm crushed. I turn bright red. Kyle looks stunned. There's a moment of silence - in honor of the death of my pride, I think.
"Did...did you just fart?"
I ended up explaining and dying laughing at the same time. Later, we discussed it in class and I think I'm pretty sure I know how to avoid it:
tl;dr - contract your abdominal and pelvic muscles the entire time you're in the pose. If that's too long, release it and breathe, but contract before coming out of the pose and come out slowly.