Something for the Drive Home

Important informations.

During yoga teacher training we all had a really good laugh when the only guy in our class of ten was like 'Wot's a queef?' with a genuinely bewildered expression. To be fair, he's British, and maybe it didnt quite translate.

A few days later he and I were working on our teaching and he was talking me through shoulder stand. For one moment, picture how amazing this is. I'm practicing yoga in Bali with a totally hot young Brit and I'm holding shoulderstand without a wobble. I'm so in the zen, it's unbelievable. In a word, life is perfect.

Then, on the way down when I'm dropping my toes down toward plow, I feel that sucking of air and allow myself the merest hint of panic. Surely the universe isn't that cruel. I continue to come fully out of shoulder stand...accompanied by the loudest queef you've ever heard.

I'm crushed. I turn bright red. Kyle looks stunned. There's a moment of silence - in honor of the death of my pride, I think.

"Did...did you just fart?"

"Noooooo."

I ended up explaining and dying laughing at the same time. Later, we discussed it in class and I think I'm pretty sure I know how to avoid it:

tl;dr - contract your abdominal and pelvic muscles the entire time you're in the pose. If that's too long, release it and breathe, but contract before coming out of the pose and come out slowly.

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Direct download: ftdh109.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EST

What you have to understand is that Russia is a very conservative country that never got around to a proper, linear sexual revolution with more things gradually becoming more acceptable. There also weren't any "waves" of feminism, as women were granted all rights and responsibilities right after the revolution and there wasn't the sort of gradual acceptance like there was in the West. Those things are related. Homosexuality was only decriminalized very recently, and taken off the list of mental illnesses very begrudgingly without much public debate around the issue. When the Soviet Union started falling apart, pretty much everything was instantly allowed, porn, prostitution, all at once were out in the open like a shock wave, so the sexuality of a typical Russian is a really weird thing.

You're expected to get married and have kids, the younger the better. There is a lot more involvement of your parents and grandparents in a traditional Russian family, many people even live with their parents after getting married and having kids, because realty is very expensive. At the same time, there is a sort of neurotic sexuality everywhere. Russians are very promiscuous. Infidelity is excepted, divorce is almost guaranteed. Sex is supposed to be that thing men do to women, too, which is a remnant of the former, more conservative times. Sex is somehow both a taboo humiliating act done to another person and a normal thing. You're expected to be sexually active, but at the same time, you're also shamed for it quite a lot. The image of any sexual deviation from a certain norm is pretty much a caricature. People confuse transsexuals, homosexuals and pedophiles, too. And this is in a country where you're not even supposed to look weird.

The prison culture also has a very strong influence. Lots of people, even educated people, know prison slang and basic laws and rules of prison life. One of those laws is that, basically, the guy who's at the end of the food chain is supposed to take it up the ass. That is a very shameful thing.

Then there is the concept of "tolerance" which is almost a swear word in the media. Basically, to distance us from the west, we are told that the West is on decline, because they allow various minorities more rights than "normal people", and they allow women too many rights, so their birth rates are down and they'll all be replaced with Arabs soon. Demographics is a very important issue here, because the population is aging and dying out. There is a derogatory term "tolerast" which is a combination of tolerant + pederast, that describes someone who would allow themselves to be dominated by all those "lesser" beings. The remnant of the idea of an outside enemy who wants to destroy mother Russia by making it weak is pretty strong, too, and a strong Russia is something people want. Then there is the issue that this is a poor country and people have a lot of bigger problems than simple social acceptance. Basically, if you can't afford to raise your children, you still have to live with your mom at 30, and your hospital has rats and no central heating, you don't have the capacity to worry about someone's feelings. Human rights activists are viewed as rich, sheltered fools like those people you might see on /r/TumblrInAction. There isn't much of an open discourse.

A whole series of laws appeared at approximately the same time, and I personally think they're a reaction to a strong forming opposition: any organization with foreign funding is supposed to register as a "Foreign agent", which does pretty much nothing, mostly affects charities and makes them seem like CIA spies; you may no longer "offend people's religious feelings", which was written specifically after the Pussy Riot thing; and then there's the law forbidding "propaganda of homosexuality and pedophilia to minors" which was later changed to "denying traditional values". Basically, it's a pretty strong ideological attack on people who aren't happy with the current government. You don't like something? You're an American spy and you want to molest children and you also take it up the ass.

THis is from reddit okay. I NEVER STOLE IT!! I GIVE FULL CREDIT TO THE INTERNET xoxoxoxoox

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Get some shirts and shIIT. TELL ur mates. 

Direct download: ftdh108.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EST

But examples are not enough. You need to get your feet wet in the pool of plot points (I just awarded myself 10 cheesy metaphor points). Here’s how: on Thursday, I usually post the events of blockbuster movies from all genres. Click here for an find an archive of plot points. Take my list of plot points, and write down each plot point onto an index card.

Divide these index cards into columns so that the last card in every column is either a major turning point or an Act break. If you do this regularly, you should develop an intuition for screenplay structure that will make plotting your own screenplays and writing a script outline 10 times easier.

What do you think? If you were writing a TV movie based on Charlie Sheen, what would your script outline look like?

YOU KNOW THE GUYS ARE GOOD BY NOW! JUST FOLLOW THEM AND TELL UR MATES ABOUT IT ALL!!! YEEAAHHH

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get up in that xoxoxoxoxoxoxo MISS YOUSE 

Direct download: ftdh107.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EST

A GRAM OF SAUCE PLEASE SIR! 

OKAY THANKS WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

HANKYTZ

THAT IS A NICE NAME MAN> ARE YOU FAMOUS?

YES I AM I AM A SONG PRINCE

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR MAGIC

NO I NEED IT

OKAY NO

SURE

FUCCCK IT WILL

NAHAHAHAHA

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tell UR FRINEDS>Z  

Direct download: ftdh106.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:25am EST

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